The sunlight was piercing and brilliant the day in I found this house in Bruneau, Idaho. 

What clues have the owners of this little house given us to determine anything about them? Allow me to use my superior powers of anthropology and sleuthing to give you this detailed analysis. 

1. There’s a rake lying against the front steps. Someone was gardening and got a phone call? That means that they both garden and have a telephone. They are outdoorsy and social. They are liberal. They vote democratic and are opposed to unnecessary chemistry in gardening. Also they have several copies of An Inconvenient Truth on hand to give to school children who approach their door to sell fundraising items. They are despised by their freedom loving neighbors who pretend to like them. For fun and just to annoy them the neighbors sight their rifles into sacks of sand in the empty lot behind their house. It’s complicated. 

2. A garden hose is lying in the grass. No automatic sprinklers? They like to keep it old school. They’re old school. They have a rotary telephone. They have a computer but it’s dusty. A friend gave it to them so they could keep in touch but they’ve never turned it on because they prefer the feel of a cool sheet of paper sliding into register in their typewriter. “It’s better that way”. That’s what they always say. They say that but there’s a reason they don’t go online and don’t have a bank account, don’t subscribe to magazines,  and never file their taxes. There’s a deep secret here, read on. 

3. They have an impressive tree in the front and a lawn without blemish. They apply weed n’ feed to their lawn on full moon nights. No one sees them do it and no one is the wiser. So they think. The same neighbors who sight their rifles in the empty lot behind their house videotape all of their nocturnal activities while laughing. “It’s just natural grass, no additives” they tell their amazed friends when they ask about it. “Don’t destroy the earth with poisons, just be natural”. They’re hypocrites and everyone knows it because the videos are on YouTube but they don’t know because of the no computer thing. 

4. The house is covered in clean white siding. It’s definitely not original siding. They had the money to replace an expensive part of the house. That’s because they won the lottery years ago and built an elaborate mansion in the city. But they foolishly invested in a risky glue factory scheme while simultaneously getting swindled by unscrupulous CPA’s. That left them with nothing but diamond rings on each finger. They swallowed the rings just before their bankruptcy hearing. “We don’t have those rings anymore your honor”.  After pawning the rings they bought this fixer-upper in Bruneau and changed their names to Parker (the name on the stone in front of the house). 

 Isn’t it amazing what you can learn about people if you just think critically?