Dude, it’s cold!

10 Degrees Farenheit

It’s Thanksgiving day. It’s cold. Last week one of Sams friend broke the news to me “An artic breeze is coming” She said. That breeze came and it’s been below 20 degrees since Monday. I can’t remember a Thanksgiving nearly this cold. Dude, its cold!

Jack (9 years old) and his cousins spent the night before last. They were excited to play outside in the snow the following morning. The four of them slept in sleeping bags on the family room floor. When they were supposed to be going to sleep I did something I’d never done. For the first time in my life I tried to convince my children to stay inside and not go outside. Here’s what happened:

“It’s cold outside, I mean really cold. Do you know what an Artic breeze is? This isn’t normal cool cold. This is freezing nasty cold. Do you have gloves?” I asked.

“No.” Two of them said.

“Have you ever seen frostbite? It’s when your fingers freeze and turn black.” I told them.

“What color do black people’s fingers turn?” One of them asked. They laughed. I had to turn my head away so they couldn’t see me laughing.

“Do you have boots?” I asked.

“No.” Three of them said.

“Frozen toes have to be cut off. I like to use tin snips.” I said

“Tin snips? That sounds like an old geezer’s tool.” They laughed.

“Do you have warm hats?” I asked.

“No.” Three of them said. “But Jack said he could find some for us”

The next morning they scrapped together gloves, hats, coats and headed out into the snow. It was 9 degrees. I asked Jack this morning if he got cold. “No, not really.”

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When I was way into golf I established a solid protocol about wintertime golf. What weather can I golf in?

In the 40’s you can still golf but if there’s a breeze its miserable. If there’s no breeze you can golf without anyone else on the course and have a great time.

In the 30’s you can golf but if you’re thin-skinned, forget about it, I’m thin-skinned. A breeze makes it unbearable. The ground is stiff. So when your irons try to make a divot the club vibrates real bad. Wear winter golf gloves (yes they make them). I don’t golf in the 30’s unless it’s sunny and there’s no breeze whatsoever.

In the 20’s you can golf but the greens are frozen so on your approach shot the ball bounces like it hit concrete. I will not golf in the 20’s unless I forget my protocol.

In the 10’s you shouldn’t go golfing. The golf courses are all closed. If your car sits outside all night you have some serious windshield scraping to do. If your seats are leather they are hard and crunchy. (Garages and air conditioning represent some of the most advanced thinking mankind has ever done).

In the 0’s the ground is frozen. Golf is futile in these conditions.

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We had to cancel the Turkey Bowl scheduled to be played this morning. The snow on the ground has an icy crust. It’s crunchy and hard. My brother-in-law said this:

“Last year I slipped all over the place without cleats. This year I brought my cleats but I know my feet will get freezing cold so I’d rather wear my tennis shoes. But I’d slip all over on the crusty snow. So, I’m not playing”

My brother, Josh, the true football fanatic told me that he’s going over to the local Junior High School to see if he can get in on someone else’s game.

3 comments

  1. Though I gave up golf when I was 25, a story I may tell one day, I happen to live on a golf course. Rather, my house backs up to a golf course, as the house predates the course by 25 years. Anyway, you wod not believe the conditions under which I see people out there golfing. Basically, if you can see the grass, you will find golfers. I’ve even seen them out there in the rain.

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