There’s a lot of resistance to people making committments these days. People resist marriage, having kids, going to church, keeping their job, etc. People seek what they want and refuse to accept responsibility more than ever.

Even in my short life (I’m 51) I’ve seen a big change in society. People used to get married, have kids and work at the same job for decades. But these days it’s much more common for couples to live together than commit to marriage. The University of Denver did a study and and the data shows that not only is cohabitation on the rise but it actually decreases the chance of a successful marriage.

What is happening? Why are people refusing to make commmitments?

I don’t know why but I believe that making and keeping commitments plays a major role in progressing successfully through life. We need to reeducate ourselves on the truth.

Pursuing an untethered life can lead to loneliness and feeling unrooted. Commitments lead to stability and happiness.

I’m not alone. I found dozens of other articles online supporting my thesis. But it’s clear that in our current world the idea of making and keeping commitments is in decline.

Dr. Esmarilda Dankeart, Phychologist, wrote the following:

In life, without commitment, there is no investment, and without investment, there is no meaning. And without meaning, well… life becomes a hollow shell.

I served a mission in Texas for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints from 1992-1994. As missionaries we worked with people to learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ. It was our goal to help people see the value that following the gospel of Christ could have in their lives and then get baptized.

It seemed straight forward enough. Our job was to find recruits for the church. But it was much more nuanced than that.

In order to join the Church our investigators would need to commit to some lifestyle changes.

• No smoking, drinking alcohol, coffee or illegal drugs.
• No sex outside of marriage.
• No pornography.
• Paying tithing to the church.
• Serving in the church.
• Attending a 3 hour church meeting each week.
• And more.

Living a life like a Mormon isn’t easy.

Looking back it was a tall order to ask people to change that much. But I was 19 years old. As a child I had been taught to live a clean, Mormon life. It seemed easy to me. And some people, driven by their faith, agreed to these conditions and sought baptism. It’s a miracle anyone did this, a miracle of God working on earth.

About halfway through my 2 year mission I started to notice that the difference in our investigators success at making changes and joining the church didn’t have anything to do with their personalities or life situations.

It had to do with their ability to commit. Once they committed then the real test began, the test of keeping that commitment.

Most of our investigators wouldn’t change. It was too hard. I understood at the time and I understand now. But it bothered me when someone would back out of our lessons because they were unwilling to commit to one aspect of the gospel or another. Especially if they believed what we were saying.

The overriding thing we heard was that it was too hard. They wanted to maintain their lifestyle of freedom to do whatever they pleased. I get it. It’s alluring to be free.

But are they free? We’d ask people to stop drinking, smoking and to go to church. Most refused. But those that did this were richly rewarded with renewed health, vigor and an eternal perspective that gave them guidance and spirituality. They were happier living a higher law.

That’s the thing about commitments. If you commit, you get the reward. If not, you’ll never get it.

It all comes down to your perspective. Do you see the long term effects of making commitments? Do you understand how powerful the blessings are that are attached to a commitment?

Do you realize that doing whatever you want to do at any time leads to poor decisions that actually bind you down and stop your progress?

For example if you choose to drink often it clouds your mind, numbs your senses and could lead to a terrible addiction. Addiction is the opposite of freedom. Commit to avoid alcohol and you’ll never have this problem.

And there’s always a blessing attached to a commitment. Commit to marriage, maintain total fidelity and reap the rewards. You’ll find levels of closeness and intimacy unavailable in any other way.

Or if you choose to stay unmarried it can cloud your relationship because both partners know that neither are fully committed to each other. You won’t get the ultimate reward of pure marriage.

Commit to have children and experience a profound sense of joy, love and selflessness.

Commit to going to church. You’ll meet new friends, feel the spirit of God, reorient yourself to a more eternal perspective and grow spiritually.

Commit to working out every day. You’ll have a stronger body and more health.

Commit to helping others. This will change your perspective of those in need and give you more depth and compassion.

Commit to stop scrolling social media. The benefits are too numerous to list.

Of course, you need to be mentally, emotionally and physically prepared to make commitments. Making commitments that you’re not prepared for can be disappointing or even disasterous.

If you’re not ready to make big commitments, prepare yourself to do so. Work on yourself. Work towards making these commitments.

If you’re ready but you’re choosing to be non-committal, then you’re already getting your reward which is usually no reward at all.

Cast away the modern idea of living free and easy. It’s an trap. Embrace tradition and see the benefits stack up. I’ve seen it happen in my own life and in the life of others.