Sam and I took a week long trip to visit friends in Southern California in October. It’s always an adventure in Southern California. SoCal has the traffic, the good weather, great restaurants and cracklin’ energy everywhere you go. We love it. We lived in San Clemente for 4 years starting in early 2006. That doesn’t seem like it was that long ago to me but it was almost 20 years ago now…

The girls love to shop at vintage markets. Vintage markets used to be called thrift stores but before that they were called junk stores. So we went from junk stores to vintage markets. Branding is powerful!

At one market I was browsing the knick knacks and I came across a wall hanging that captured my attention. It simply said “Prioritize yourself”.

I immediately furrowed my brow thinking about what it meant. It repulsed me. Prioritize yourself. A simple maxim. What does it mean?

A two word idea leaves a lot of room for interpretation. Could it mean that you take yourself to the hospital when your bone is poking through the skin? Does it mean that you should make sure you have enough money to live? Does it mean that you should ignore everyone else’s needs because you prioritize yourself above all? Does it mean that your needs should be the most important thing in your life?

I took it to mean that in order to be happy you need to focus on your own needs first. If you’re tired, rest. If you’re hungry, eat. If you need time alone, take it. If you don’t want to do something, don’t. You’re the priority. Everyone else takes a back seat.

Taking care of yourself is important. Yes. Taking the time to make sure you’re living a balanced, healthy life is vital. It seems benign and good but alongside this idea is a concept that’s potentially pernicious and dangerous.

There’s a fine line between taking care of yourself and focusing on yourself. A self focused life can lead to a life of selfishness and greed which excludes you from thinking about and serving others. For this reason I believe that declaring the maxim “Prioritize yourself” is a reckless idea. Especially for those searching for meaning in life, young and old alike. People are searching for the way to be happy. The way to self fulfillment. The path to joy in life. For them (and there are a lot of them) this maxim is dangerous unless it’s applied with some understanding.

If you choose to prioritize yourself you’re likely to end up alone and miserable. Selfishness is one of the biggest causes of broken marriages and homes. Because people who prioritize themselves seek whatever is best for them which eventually leads to big problems in relationships.

I would say that a better option is to prioritize others. Take care of yourself but prioritize others. This isn’t my idea. It’s been said by out LDS church leaders and other spiritual leaders. They say to assume that everyone you meet is really suffering with a problem and you’ll be right 1/2 of the time. Using that formula, that means that everywhere you go you’re faced with people who need something you can offer. 

Truly we’re all surrounded with people in pain all the time. Everywhere we go. Any direction you point your face you can find someone who needs a friend, someone who could use kind word, people who deserve forgiveness for traffic mistakes, people who need a friendly visit or a meal and discussion. It’s not very complicated really. Just look around and see the needs all around you. No matter where you live or who you are. Prioritize service and reap the rewards.

If you have the eyes to see others needs, your entire world changes. Of course you should care for yourself. Take time to enjoy your life and interests but never put yourself in the center of your world. Put those who you love in that space. 

I was raised to believe that although I mattered, the most important thing that I can do is to serve others. It’s a basic premise of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. But I was lucky. I was taught that simple idea by my parents and church leaders. It has served me well. 

Matthew 16:25

²⁵ For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. 

So please, don’t prioritize yourself.